Tough Days and Little Joys

Just a little update (in the spirit of practice) from a walk today and beyond...

Yesterday was a tough day. This past winter, I applied to 5 MFA programs in creative writing. Those who know this already, know how much work and time I put into these applications and how excited I have been for the prospect of these programs. Well, yesterday I got my 4th rejection. I'm expecting the 5th to come any day now. But, maybe there is some semblance of hope still? Who knows really... Anyway, I did a lot of my grieving yesterday in preparation for that 5th decision (my top school). It may seem trivial right now as things are the way they are. But, grief is grief and it will not be told what to do. So, I just went with it and let the sadness take over for a little while.

Today I woke up sad af to still feel sad af but determined to get out for a walk at some point. I'm glad I did make it out. Something that brings me a lot of joy is watching the incremental changes in the season. Also, knowing in these uncertain times that there is food growing everywhere in suburban Maryland is a great comfort. Many of them are "weeds" - talk about a reframing! There was an abundance of chickweed, dandelion, dead nettle, wild garlic, garlic mustard, and speedwell to be spotted today.

On the walk, I also noticed that the magnolias have bloomed and their smell is in full force. Just a few days ago the flowers of this same tree were still tight and torpedoed. This knowledge brought a lightness, it made the days inside feel less monotonous now having proof that nature really is still marching on day by day outside. I think I may also have found a dawn redwood tree planted in someone's yard. I almost jumped back at the bark in excitement when I saw it because it looked SO west coast and nostalgic for an ecosystem I dearly miss - a very exciting find. This tree is another one I can monitor as it begins to regrow (they are one of the few deciduous conifers to they lose their needles each winter). Little joys, little joys. It's important to hold onto them now and always.

I am happy to (seemingly) be crawling out of that awful mini depression. Walks really help. I am cherishing them. And I am cherishing you too if you are reading this <3 Thank you.

I Took a Walk

I took a walk to clear my mind, to stretch my legs. A simple stroll turned into a game of six-feet-between-strangers and then the concept of a walk changed forever. At first, I wasn’t sure how to navigate this new world.

Then, I found myself stepping more on the earth instead of the pavement. My eyes searched the forest for signs of Spring, signs of food and medicine. Two legs carried me past a playground covered in caution tape, led me to a stream. I sat in the eroded valley bed, a bowl, a womb, watching water trickling by. No matter what is happening with us humans, water will still flow downstream.

Taking a path I’ve never taken led me to a local school. I found the grounds of the football stadium dotted with people moving their bodies, far from one another but closer to themselves. Two cars in the parking lot drove with teenagers behind the wheel, practicing for that undetermined time when the DMV will again open. As I rounded the side corner of the school to face the front, I was greeted by a sweetgum tree, spikey balls radiating out onto the earth from a nucleus of twisted roots. There was a nostalgia to this moment, something I remembered from long ago.

I realized that almost no one I saw had their face to a screen, they had orchestrated their presence and time here precisely to be far away from smartphones filled with scary news. There was this glimpse of the 1990s on that walk that flashed before me. But, there was also something else, something wordless, vast and infinite, something I could not yet describe. Something new.